Asking for someone's phone number usually comes fairly early in the dating process, but it can still be seriously intimidating! When you ask for someone's number, you face the possibility of embarrassment from rejection, which can sting even if you barely know the person whose number you're after. If you're finding it tricky to work up to courage to ask for numbers, don't despair. Even the very best, most glowingly confident "players" once struggled with the very same thing. By learning a few simple tricks for asking for numbers (and knowing what not to do), it's not hard to vastly improve your confidence in this situation.
- Relax! If there's one single thing you can do to make it easier to ask people for their numbers, make it this! Though it's always difficult (some might say almost impossible) to force yourself to relax once you're already in a stressful situation, approaching social encounters where you think you'll probably ask for someone's number with a calm, relaxed attitude makes it much easier to pop the difficult question (and makes you look supremely confident to boot). Though everyone relaxes differently, you may want to try experimenting with some of the following relaxation methods:
- Meditation
- Yoga
- Physical exercise
- Deep breathing
- Making yourself laugh
- Thinking of the people around you as laughable (e.g., that they're in their underwear, etc.)
2 ) Make your move before you psyche yourself out. Often, working up the courage to talk to people you're attracted to in the first place is way harder than actually asking for their numbers. To have the best chance of getting a number, you have to be willing to immediately take the plunge and talk to people you find attractive without giving yourself a chance to over-analyze the situation and find a reason not to. Don't give yourself any opportunities to chicken out! It's much, much harder to get numbers if you don't ever approach and talk to people you find attractive.
If you're having a hard time finding the nerve to approach an attractive person, force yourself to act. Try giving yourself a hard time limit (10 seconds, for instance, if you're feeling bold) for waiting and worrying before you walk over and talk to someone and stick to this time limit! If you're with friends, have them agree to "push" you into social interactions instead of giving you opportunities to wiggle out of them.
3 ) Use strong body language. If you look confident, most people will think you are confident — they have no way to know that you're sweating bullets on the inside unless you tell them! Take advantage of this and use proud, confident body language to give your flirting game an immediate boost. The best part of doing this is that it's part of a self-reinforcing cycle: when people react favorably to your confident behavior, you'll feel more confident, making it easier to sincerely act confident. Regardless of your sex or appearance, here are just a few universal tips for making yourself look as confident as possible:[1]
Don't be afraid to take up space. Hold your head high and stand up straight. Pull your shoulders back and puff your chest out. Take a wide, relaxed stance when you sit.
Don't be afraid to take up space. Hold your head high and stand up straight. Pull your shoulders back and puff your chest out. Take a wide, relaxed stance when you sit.
Use strong, relaxed movements. Walk with long, slow strides. Use large, smooth, easy gestures.
Show your attention. Position yourself to face people when you're talking to them. Use eye contact, but don't stare.
Don't close yourself off to others. Don't cross your arms or legs when you sit down. Don't play with your phone when you're bored. These behaviors telegraph to others that you're not interested in interacting.
Show your attention. Position yourself to face people when you're talking to them. Use eye contact, but don't stare.
Don't close yourself off to others. Don't cross your arms or legs when you sit down. Don't play with your phone when you're bored. These behaviors telegraph to others that you're not interested in interacting.
4 )
If you’re not confident, find an excuse to talk. Let's be realistic — not everyone is going to be immediately comfortable approaching strangers to talk to them and ask for their number. If you fall into this category, it's OK to contrive a reason to talk to someone to get the conversation flowing. So-called "conversation-starters" are some of the oldest tricks in the book when it comes to flirting and making connections with other people, but they're surprisingly effective. Don't worry — if you eventually get around to asking for this person's number, you don't have to worry about being phony! Below are just a few conversation starters to get the ball rolling:
If you’re not confident, find an excuse to talk. Let's be realistic — not everyone is going to be immediately comfortable approaching strangers to talk to them and ask for their number. If you fall into this category, it's OK to contrive a reason to talk to someone to get the conversation flowing. So-called "conversation-starters" are some of the oldest tricks in the book when it comes to flirting and making connections with other people, but they're surprisingly effective. Don't worry — if you eventually get around to asking for this person's number, you don't have to worry about being phony! Below are just a few conversation starters to get the ball rolling:
Ask for advice:
"Hey, I like Dostoevsky and I noticed you reading Notes From Underground — would you recommend it?"
Compliment or comment on a shared interest: "Nice Creed shirt! Did you see them when they were in town back in 2001?"
Enlist their help: "Wow! Can you show me how to dance like that?"
The old standby: "Do you have a light?" (Only works for smokers).
Compliment or comment on a shared interest: "Nice Creed shirt! Did you see them when they were in town back in 2001?"
Enlist their help: "Wow! Can you show me how to dance like that?"
The old standby: "Do you have a light?" (Only works for smokers).
5 ) Open casually. No one likes being put on the spot, so when you're going for a phone number, keep things low-pressure. Resist the urge to open with a cheesy pickup line or come-on. Though there's something to be said for the confidence required for making your intentions known immediately, this sort of approach can sometimes make you seem predatory or insincere. For most people, a better idea is to stay casual. If you need to, use a basic conversation starter to open your conversation, then simply relax and continue as feels natural, making amicable small talk until things heat up!
One of the benefits of taking a casual approach is that it allows you to avoid the embarrassment of outright rejection. If you're having a casual conversation with someone and you sense things becoming awkward, you can always end the conversation by claiming that you have something else you need to do. On the other hand, if you open your conversation with an obvious come-on, if things turn awkward, ending the conversation prematurely will be a little more embarrassing because it will be obvious that you've failed at what you set out to do.
6 ) Make a connection. If you're aiming to get someone's phone number, once you start a conversation with this person, look for an opportunity to set yourself apart from the other people this person may talk to after you by making a personal connection. You can do this by finding something that you both enjoy, having a friendly, spirited debate about something you don't both enjoy, or even just telling each other about your lives. When you make a connection with someone, it should be immediately obvious — the conversation should "spark" and become more lively, heated, and intimate.
For instance, let's say you're at a party where you don't know many people and you've worked up the courage to start talking to an attractive stranger by commenting on the band on their T-shirt. If it turns out that you've both seen this act live, take this opportunity to share your experiences in the mosh pit. With luck, your shared experiences should help you create a personal connection that will it much easier (and more appropriate) to ask for someone's number.
7 ) Make this person laugh. One of the surest ways to make a lasting positive impression on someone is simply to be funny. Everyone loves to laugh! Humor feels good, so people are much more likely to give you their number and to want to spend time with you down the road if they think that you have a good sense of humor. In addition, it's worth mentioning that some scientific research has shown that humor and playfulness is one of the very most attractive traits a person can have in social interactions with others
While you'll definitely want to show off your good sense of humor if you have it, beware self-deprecating humor. Don’t make people laugh ‘’at you’’ — while a little self-deprecation can be great fun once you've gotten to know someone, making fun of yourself when you're first meeting them can make you look nervous and unsure of yourself, rather than relaxed and confident.
8 ) Ask for the number at a conversational “high point”. The best time to ask for someone's number is usually right after you've shared a good laugh, made a notable connection, or otherwise had a good time — in other words, end on a high note! People are generally more willing to agree with you if they like you, so asking for a number right after you've scored major conversational points will boost your chances of getting the number (and make the person you're talking to more likely to let you down gently if they don't want to give you their number).
Let's continue with the example situation described above. If you've had a pleasant conversation talking about your mutual love of the band on your conversation partner's T shirt, you might want to end the conversation with a funny story about something that happened to you at a different band's show. Once you get a big laugh, say that you've got to run, but that you should exchange numbers so you can talk more later. With any luck, your great timing will increase your chances for success.
Commentaires
Enregistrer un commentaire